What I Can't Say

      Interesting to me is people's adamant defense of not being racist. More and more it seems people are tip-toeing around what they want to say, for fear of it being misinterpreted. A teacher in a history class cannot say the word 'nigger' when discussing historical documents, especially if he is a white teacher. Yet, everyday in the hallways I must hear that word tossed about at least ten times by the same people that would take immediate offense from hearing it pass the lips of one of their teachers in historically accurate context. There's always big talk about the importance of overcoming racial barriers and eradicating unequal perceptions, and yet in everyday language racial segregation is enforced by free will. Language attempts to appear universal. If you learn English you can master communication with all who speak it; when in reality you can know all of the words, but there are still certain ones you are not allowed to use; certain words others may use around you with unflinching acceptance not so easily achieved were you inclined to use such words.
   My friends say the 'n' word to each other, and even to me, but I can't turn around and say it to them. Language is funny in human selectivity and connotation. If I say gringa, it is in a joking manner; but if someone calls me gringa who I'm not friends with, it becomes a personal attack. Language is all about knowing your audience and what is socially acceptable. I can say racist jokes in good humor to my best friend, but I have other friends who would take the joking too seriously.
It doesn't always make sense but it simply is. You can know every language there is and still be limited by your background affiliations. As a white girl if I say, "Ratchet" or "Savage" people shake their heads at me and laugh, because I'm so incredibly not ghetto and those words are in connotation associated with the 'thug life.' My grasp of language in no way assists me for people's racial sensitivities; If I so much as misuse a word or appear to have said something like the 'n' word, I'm a racist and that bold accusation carries a stifling weight on one's reputation.
I can't so much as provide a physical description of someone without being questioned. "Why's he gotta be black?"....Ummm maybe because he's not white. Then people will get bent about why his color should matter. It doesn't, to me; I'm just trying to help you pinpoint who I'm talking about and skin color adds to the visual; apparently it must matter to you what color he is if you're so worked up about it...People are far too sensitive and quick to be offended. They rally for the right to speak and then attack you for exercising the same privilege.
You have to constantly be watching what you say, how you say it, who it is to, where you are; otherwise you're a racist. Or a sexist. Or prejudice.
There's no such thing as freedom of speech; not if you want to maintain a good public image that is.